- this post is going to be long, so if you are in a hurry now, maybe it's better to read it later/tomorrow.
- my english is far from perfect, so it may get dull and confusing sometime.
- I'm not an experienced journalist/blogger, so the post quality may not be so good.
who am I?
I'm a dreamer, an idealist, and highly self-opinionated. I like to analyze, observe, and find out how the universe works. I don't categorize myself as a man or a woman, I have both traits of male and female, and I prefer to express them as I see fit. I like to be totally free and make the rules of my own life. Things I like include: music, video games, singing, psychology, martial arts, spirituality, philosophy, metaphysics, fashion, makeup, hairstyle. I enjoy lots of jokes and stupidity too. It's good to have people to laugh and joke with, really. I am happily married and I keep 4 turtle pets at home. I sleep a lot every day(10++ hours), I feel that sleeping is very enjoyable, relaxing, and inspiring. It could be true, or maybe it's just an excuse of my laziness? lol
love for video games
I enjoy playing video games since I was small, mario bros, sonic, golden axe, if you are around my age, I'm sure you know those games. I grow to love RPGs, strategy games, war simulation, sport simulation, games that make use of lots of numbers and display them as part of gameplay. Don't get it wrong tho, I really don't like math and my math grade were not really good back then at school. But for some reason those numbers in the game really fascinate me. I got really immersed and engaged that I played for very long hours, over and over again. Video games have become a big part of my life, I learned a lot about life, culture, history, art, and lots more. As for MMORPG games nowadays, things are becoming closer to the real world human interactions, I can see one instance of the world/society in those MMO's I play. I see love, hate, struggle, greed, generosity, ignorance, dominance and many others. I have my own views and pro cons of every game I played and enjoyed seriously. It can be too geeky for some, but I think it can be a good and refreshing insight when I do a review of my favorite games, in the future posts.
love for music
It also start to spark at my early age. I can recognize and remember a lot of tunes and songs. Some of the melodies/songs I heard back then are stuck in my head even until now. They are irreplaceable. Then I got into anime music, which are mostly sung by Japanese Rock/Pop musicians. I forgot how it started but I ended up buying LUNA SEA's period album cassette. I spent lots of my school hours listening to this tape damn lots of times, that I memorized all the lyrics and notes. It finally got me into singing. I came to know joy of singing and belting my voice out to express whatever I had inside. Then I got into a band who do covers of Jrock/Jpop, with me as the vocal. For some reason, I have better pitch/chord recognition ability than my guitarist/bassist at that time, so I get to learn a guitar tab software, so I can show them the notes/chord I hear, because I can't play a guitar.After that, I got into midi composing. I used to think that song makers/composers are something really extraordinary or alien. How can one create a song? That time, I can't figure it out, but after fooling around with that guitar tab software, I finally get it. I was saying to myself: "Huh? So it's just this simple? Composing a song is so easy!" I really overestimated myself that time. I feel so special and highly talented. I even think I can make a piece which rivals those classical music. I was thinking, if it's in my head, then I can create it. Turns out I was so wrong. The more I know, realize, or learned about composing, it gets harder and broader.
Time flies by, and before I know it, I get to the age where one normally have an established stable income or work. After deciding that I dislike formal office work and that I won't finish my college, I shoot random bullets at the chance of 'game composing'. I have some sense of music, good imagination, and I learn fast. My first jobs turns out a lot better than I expected. It's not bombastic or anything, but it's a great learning experience, and it has proven to me that one can really make a living out of music, which strengthen my belief of: everyone can make a living out of their dream job.
vegetarianism
I have been a vegetarian for around 12 years now, and I think it's one of the best life-changing decision I ever made. I used to be a catholic and I really believe in the almighty God and Jesus. Sure, I have some life questions that my belief cannot answer, but I never thought that a popular/mainstream/major religion can be this wrong/BS/lie. It never really got into my head before, about how bad these animals are treated at the ranch, how much they suffer, both physically and mentally. When someone tried to expose this to me, I tried to run away. I used lots of excuses, like: "It's not directly related to me." "Even if I become a vegetarian, wouldn't the slaughter continue as it is?" "I was told that those animals are meant to be killed and eaten"I have seen a cattle's throat got slit with a butcher knife only 3-5 meters away from me, and it's bleeding and resisting like crazy, until it finally dies. WTF did I just see? A legalized murder? Everyone there just stand and watch, no one freaked out or screamed. No one tried to help or save the life of that poor cattle. Wonder why? I was sure that cattle feels pain and fear, I've had my share of watching horror/torture movie, so I can imagine my throat being slit open like that. I started to question God, humanity, and my religion. I really believed that humans are the most noble creature, humans have conscience, have compassion, and wisdom. If we are doing something wrong, our conscience will react and remind us of truth and God's way. Yeah right, I did not feel a slight bit of guilt and disgust from eating and stuffing my stomach with animal corpses for a long 15 years. Honestly I enjoyed them, they taste good and smells good. Don't tell me my that conscience are broken or somehow not working?
My experience above proves and disproves a lot of theory at once. In the end, I can be sure that humanity/society can't be viewed as my standard of truth, life, and righteousness. Major religions are the same. I'm not saying that everything in them or everyone of them are 100% bad, but if you want to live consciously, becoming a follower is not the way.
freedom
This is also a very important part of my life. I have struggled to gain it, I've paid prices, and I have felt some degree of it in my current state. Freedom of action, speech, and mind. All 3 are essential to spiritual/mental growth. I'm really happy that my current 'job' gives a high degree of freedom. I'm free to make whatever music I want, when and for how long.(exclude deadlines)I'm free to decide what price I want to charge(or not charge) for every music I make, I'm free to decide when to work, play, take a bath(or not). The downside is, if I'm not disciplined enough, it's very easy to slip into low productivity, thus will screw my values, which will hurt my financial situation in the end.
I can aslo experiment and influence how stellar's games will turn out. Is it nice? Is it dreamlike? If you think you deserve more freedom than you are having now, I suggest do something to get it.
ending
Thanks for reading until the end, you deserve a break lol! I hope this post of mine can have a positive effect on you. As for my next posts, I plan to cover digital music production, share stellar's game progress, songs I composed, and lots more. I may want to setup a vote to see what most of you are interested at. Until next time, have fun~clea leshlick
Picture credits goes to:
- http://bobish144.deviantart.com
- bloglucianaenglish.blogspot.com
- shakeituptimes.blogspot.com
- treehugger.com
- longtuanpham.wordpress.com
